"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
"We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience."
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
"What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?"
"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
"We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect."
"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."
"Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy."